FNL + Blink = Paradigm Shift

Fine, I'll admit it. All this enthusiasm about Texas? Yeah, so it stems just a wee bit from my fascination with Friday Night Lights. That's right, the cheap Abercrombie eye candy trick worked, okay?

But apart from the handsome Taylor Kitsch proffered by the series, FNL also hit home with its portrayal of the political tensions and dynamics that go behind the scenes at the school and district levels regarding Coach Taylor's performance and his tenuous tenure at Dillon High. Unfortunately in life, especially in the corporate world, you have countless scheming, self-absorbed "Joe McCoys" running amok, making life hard for the "Eric Taylors" who are focused on doing right and being fair.

As I slog through the Corporate Governance section of WINKIE, my mind keeps getting sidetracked and pulled into dwelling on how corporate governance and transparency have gone down the proverbial loo in my current professional environment.

I had promised myself that this blog would only focus on the "pull" elements of liberation, rather than the "push" factors that are also an important driver for my decision to take a leap into the great unknown. And, for the most part, that is what I will do. However, I just can't help but feel keenly disappointed with the way things have turned out. While I tend to manage expectations (including those of my own) fairly conservatively, I did have high hopes for the "little start-up that could." It's not even the fact that I relocated across the country to take on this opportunity. What is truly disappointing is that, by starting with a clean slate, this little start-up really had potential. The leadership could have chosen to not get bogged down by the industry's inherent conflicts of interests and schmarmy-ness. And yet, that's exactly what they have ended up doing, while denying it along the entire way.

On the positive side, this has been a tremendous learning experience about credibility and why you should do all that you can to avoid getting dragged down into the swampy pits of "you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours, even if you're an unethical SOB" philosophy. And it is exactly that sort of mentality which, when combined with the "old boys club" environment, is a recipe for frustration and glass ceilings in this industry.

So in sum, this quest for liberation is also in part a search for a home / career / lifestyle where merit matters. Although Malcolm Gladwell skeptics will scoff, reading his book Blink really resonated with me throughout all the recent corporate turmoil, especially when thinking about how much of the history of humankind has been so deeply steeped in nepotism and favoritism. I think it's about time for a paradigm shift - don't you?

Brain's a-stormin'

After spending this fine Friday evening on futile attempts to cram for WINKIE, I've decided to take a break and indulge in some wishful planning for "The Era of Liberation." Here are some potential to-do's that get me smiling:

• Volunteer! For endorphins and good karma. That is, paying penance for semi-selling out.
  
• Get back into dancing. In fact, start my own dance troupe.
  
• Learn Spanish. For real this time. Then turn to French. Then Mandarin. Then Arabic.
• Learn how to cook. On a super tight budget, that is.
  
• Learn how to invest in the public markets. Why? Because hopefully this is where smarts count more than schmooze, unlike the smarmy world of PE.
  
• Pen a children's book. With pictures and everything, a la Dr. Suess, hero from both my childhood and alma mater.
  
• Start my own fashion line. Focus on "one-of-a-kind" pieces. This strategy caters well to my intense dislike of repeating myself and rote activities in general.
• Pass WINKIE III. In fact, not just pass it, but decimate it.
  
• Pen a grown ups' book. Topic TBD.
• Get all outdoorsy. Maybe even become a park ranger.
  
• Learn how to create my own website. One that's suitable for all audiences, of course.
  

That's just a partial list. Wow, it's going to be a busy year. Looking forward to checking off the list while based out of grand Austin, once I've submitted my grad school application. The point is to do everything I've put off in the last few years while being overly ambitious in my career (look where that got me - jaded and nowhere healthy for the long haul, that's for sure).

Liberated in many ways, but not yet Twitter-free

For kicks, I have just started tweeting brief bursts of commentary and stream-of-consciousness revelations under this persona as "suddenLiberated". First tweet references my current reading list:

- The Moviegoer, by Walker Percy
- The Razor's Edge, by W. Somerset Maugham

Once I show WINKIE who's boss on June 6th, next up on the to-do list are book reviews on these two literary works. Both were recommended to me recently by someone dear, who has tracked (somewhat involuntarily) the existential crises of yours truly throughout the last few years.

I'm also planning a quick trip to Austin in late June to help figure out whether or not the city and I are meant to be. People keep warning me that it's going to be superhot there, but given my preference to be as liberated from clothing as possible, that doesn't seem like an insurmountable hurdle.

Also, does anyone know what the difference is between a Master of Public Administration and a Master of Public Affairs? I'm intrigued by UT Austin's MPAff program. If the green civil engineering endeavor involves too deep/long of a J-curve, I may well retrench and go the way of a MPA or MPAff, with a splash of environmental goodness.

Shopping in the Metaphorical Supermarket

The world, or one's life, could be thought of, metaphorically, as a supermarket. Or maybe even a hypermarket (I think those are the ones with the huge Wal-Mart / Target etc attached??). The point is, it's got all the raw ingredients and prepared products imaginable for you to select and combine and ultimately (hopefully) create some sort of culinary delight.

However, the mere existence of the hypothetical supermarket is not enough to guarantee a delectable culinary outcome. There are many ways in which one could misjudge or be tempted and led astray. For example:

1) You could go for the prepackaged stuff. The quick and easy. Think frozen tatertots. Jello. Ramen (especially the super-spicy kind - YUM). Carnation breakfast shake powder packs. These items are typically calorie-dense but nutrient-empty.

2) You could get overly idealistic, i.e., "From now on, I'm going to...[be a vegetarian / only eat raw foods / renounce sugar]." Soon after leaving the store (and well before these purchased items are prepared for consumption), the resolve to be [a vegetarian / a RAW foodie / non-diabetic] begins to wilt. Result: costly food bill + unused/spoiled purchases + stuck habit (of my being too lazy to cook) = utter demoralization + gobbling down a pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting.

3) You could go for the prepackaged stuff, under the guise of going for the idealistic stuff. For example, frozen Kashi pizzas, frozen ORGANIC macaroni dinners, private-label canned organic chicken chili, frozen shroom-burger patties, Grape Nuts cereal (or the aptly-named private-label Von's version: Nutty Nuggets). You probably still end up spending a small(er) fortune, but you get stuff that 1) you'll actually be able to prepare yourself, 2) is less likely to spoil before you get around to preparing it, and 3) is decently nutritious for you.

I would say I'm at #3 right now, with hopes of effectively shifting to #2 once I have more time to devote to cooking, etc.

There are some obvious parallels between the metaphorical supermarket, life choices, and long-term results/contentment. That's me, stating the obvious as usual. However, it has particular resonance right now, because, I admit it:

I'm wavering.

That is, I'm wavering between the career-versions of options #1-3 above.

1) Prepackaged stuff: continuing with current occupation & getting an MBA. job security. predictable career trajectory. downside-protected. embracing the decision to permanently sell-out.

2) Idealistic stuff: full liberation from "The Man", see the world, relinquish my attachment to material possessions (and reliable income), practice more stringent fiscal austerity than ever previously imagined.

3) Compromising combination: several permutations are possible - still evaluating which ones are most probable and most desired.

As I continue to plow through studying for WINKIE (Was Important, Now Kinda Irrelevant Exam), these are the thoughts and questions that continue to float around in my psyche. Will keep y'all up to date on the progress of this decision-making process.

sL Potential Objective #1: Green Civil Engineering

I associate the word "Civil" with positive connotations of structure, teamwork and respect. The word "Engineering" conjures up impressions of design, functionality and progress. And of course, "Green = Great" to this hybrid driver + organics enthusiast.

That's why I am so excited about the next rung in my metaphorical career ladder. "Green Civil Engineering." How great does that sound? It sounds fabulous to me, with the tiny little detail (potential impediment) being that I have absolutely no engineering experience, haven't even seen a physics-related equation for over 10 years, and can't draw worth a damn.

The right strategy for making this lateral career shift has yet to make itself known. Initial thought: Move to Austin and get an internship / part-time gig at one of the several engineering/architectural firms there, then determine whether extra gray matter growth (i.e., further education) is required. If so, then wow, how convenient - I'll happen to be living in close proximity to UT Austin, which boasts the #4 Civil Engineering program in the U.S., and hopefully be a TX resident by then to boot (in-state tuition, baby).

Wait a second - I somehow just completely lost track of the fact that I'm supposed to be contemplating my year off, not charging into the next career. (I am a Taurus, so admittedly am somewhat prone to charging. And nostril flaring.)

"Addicted to ambition, to my detriment," as my FB profile sagely quotes. Addicted indeed. Where can a gal find a little rehab?

But green civil engineering still sounds like such a great way to spend at least part of my future professional life. We'll revisit this in time. Let's just think of it as a bit of structural downside-protection. Hahahahaha, I am such a dork. Now you know.

Bible Belt Blues - Vanquished!

Granted, I've been learning about all these great things about weird Austin. However, one potential concern that has occurred to me is: Given that the city is smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt, where on the religious fervor spectrum does the great city of Austin lie? This is a major concern because I'm vehemently allergic to evangelism and other forms of religious radicalism (in part because they're nutso, and in part because the level of that nutso-ism tends to be highly correlated with the accepted level of sexism). Needless to say, a high potential for getting religion shoved down my throat or stabbed through my back in my new-home-base-to-be would be a major dealkiller.

Here's some quick research from trusty Wiki regarding Austin's religious environment:

"Evangelical Protestant Christian influence had a strong impact in social/cultural and political implications in Texas throughout its history, but not all Texans share this view of Christian religious doctrine. Austin, the state capital is perceived as a more secular and liberal community."

And here are some statistics regarding the presence of other religious groups in Texas overall:

According to Churches and Church Membership in the United States 2000, Texas ranks:

• First in number of Evangelical Protestants, with 5,083,087.

• Second, behind Pennsylvania, in number of Mainline Protestants at 1,705,394.

• Third in number of Catholics, behind California and New York.

• Third in number of Buddhist congregations.

• Fifth in number of Muslims.

• Fifth in number of Hindu congregations.

• Sixth in number of Mormons.

• Tenth in number of Jews.

It's not really a surprise to find out that Texas is home to the greatest number of Evangelical Protestants, but it is somewhat of a shock to discover how much more religiously diverse the state actually is, versus my initial expectations.

Conclusion? Looks like Austin is not just politically liberal, but spiritually liberal as well. As long as I don't accidentally wander into the Fort Worth region of Texas, I should be fine. That's a check-plus in the "Not religiously cuckoo" requirement box.

Torn: Texas Tax Dilemma

Texas happens to be one of 7 states in the U.S. that imposes absolutely no state tax on personal income. (The other states are Alaska, Florida, Nevada, South Dakota, Washington, Wyoming.) I wasn't aware of this fact before, but now that I have been enlightened, it makes perfect sense.


From a financial perspective, freedom from state taxes is awesome, even though I don't expect to be working in the near term. Compared with California's 9.3% state income tax for my (soon-to-be former) personal income bracket, that's a significant boost to disposable income once I do start working again (adjusting for lower income & lower cost of living in TX vs CA). If I find myself cash-strapped sooner than later and end up doing some consulting / writing / minimum-wage jobs during my "year off", I would embrace with widespread arms those extra few hundred bps on my paycheck.

From a social liberal perspective, my feelings are mixed. Initially, my gut reaction was guilt. As a progressive-minded individual who benefited greatly from Minnesota's stellar social/education benefits while growing up (let's set aside the collapsed bridge incident for now), it feels just plain wrong to keep all that extra cash for myself. But then I started thinking more about how disillusioned I've become regarding government's ability to write and execute meaningful policy. Plus, Texas gets more than enough income from all those big oil corporations.

Therefore, my conclusion so far is - (if I were to move to TX) Thank you Texas, I will gladly take that extra dough that would have gone towards paying state income tax. Then, I'll make the final determination regarding which causes most deserve my social dollars - and it's unlikely that all of these causes will be Texas-based. For a gal who has long prided herself on "voting with her feet," it does feel liberating to have discretion over where my tax dollars go. Well, state taxes anyway. Federal taxes are a whole other (depressing) story.

Everything's Bigger in Texas

Everything in Texas seems bigger, including potential, and opportunities to try something new. I am thinking really hard about a relocation from sunny San Diego to weird Austin (the one in Texas, not Minnesota).

On the one hand, moving to Texas may seem counter-intuitive for a liberal-minded individual like yours truly. On the other hand, Austin is viewed as an oasis of progressiveness in the Lone Star State. For someone who has a taste for the eclectic and cultural, and would like eventual access to further education at the prestigious UT Austin, yet doesn't wish to burn cash on high costs of living, moving to Austin begins to sound like a no-brainer.

Well, stay tuned...

Countdown: Day -238

Just 238 days until my day of liberation (i.e., 01/01/2010).

Liberation from what? Good question.

Well, to start, here's some context. In yours truly's 28 years of existence to date, the main eras are as follows:

• Sheltered Innocent (Years 0-18): Cushy life growing up in a wholesome Midwest family
• Sailing through Studies (Years 18-22): Cushy life coasting through private college education on my Daddy's dime
  
• Under-Managed Entry-level Peon (Years 22-24): Cushy (though underpaid) life in a New England suburb, running my own small kingdom as a pretend journalist. This is also when I got my body art - spurred by equal portions of boredom and rebellion
  
• Semi-Liberated (Years 24-25): Financially stark but stimulating life as an aspiring real journalist, covering the world's emerging markets from the bullpen in NYC
  
• Over-Managed Corporate Peon (Years 25-26): Selling out to "The Dark Side," i.e., beginning a life of corporate slavery in exchange for aggressively inflated financial compensation (who said your soul is priceless?).
  
• California Cool (Years 26-28): Pretending to be all laid back and liberated, but in reality, just a less dark, lesser-paid version of the OMCP.
  

So in part, I've got a bad case of wanderlust after staying in the same place for almost two whole years. But more importantly, this so-called liberation is a movement away from this mostly cushy way of life, which in hindsight isn't really a life at all, and shift from existing to living.

And I'm taking the skydiving sans parachute approach (rather than the skydiving with parachute approach, or the bungee jumping approach). Not lining anything up after formally extricating myself from the current situation (to be discussed at length later).

Yeah yeah, sounds like the beginning of a quack lecture on "finding your spiritual side," or perhaps a rationalization of surrender to my narcissistic side. Well, I hope that's not what this turns into, because that is entirely not my intention. However, I can't guarantee that after a few months (years?) of food rationing and financial desperation, that I won't start sounding kinda wonky.

p.s. I thought about starting this on -237, but considering I've never had the guts to watch The Shining the whole way through, that would just be a bad way to start off this whole thing.